My beautiful baby has just turned one! The year was filled with so much joy and a few challenges. As Berry reached new milestones, I felt like I was entering a new level in the video game of life. The most challenging part was the first couple of months: being a brand-new mom. Here’s a list of things I wish I would have prepared for:
Practice Before the Baby Arrives
I was no stranger to babies when I was pregnant. I held babies before, changed a diaper or two, I was set…or so I thought.
The moment of panic hit when we were taking Berry out of the hospital to go home. Our car seat was one that stays in the car, so our first time placing her in it was outside the front of the hospital. I panicked.
I had read every page of the car seat manual and personally installed it, but I did not know how to place the baby in it. Sound stupid? Well, there is a method to this car seat. You have to loosen the straps by lifting a tab UNDER the fabric in the front (hidden of course and unmarked). You have to pull the straps from the top. Pull it anywhere else and you’re SOL. Then to place the baby in, you must pull the legs through each strap AND THEN buckle the chest buckle and slide it up.
To be honest, it’s still a bit of a pain putting Berry in her car seat, but placing her in it as a fragile infant was terrifying! I wish I would have practiced with a doll or someone else’s baby. The car seat wasn’t the only thing I needed practice on. I’ll get to those things later, but while we’re on the topic of car seats
Buy an Infant Car Seat
To save money, I registered for a car seat that was for an infant all the way up to 120 LBS as a booster seat. Having an infant car seat would have made life so much easier!
We would go to the doctor’s (which was often during her first month due to some issues) and Berry would be sound asleep. Then I had to take her out of the car seat, which usually waked her up. When Berry would wake up, she was not happy about it.
I had a crying baby in my arms, my diaper bag and my handbag (due to Covid, only one parent could go into the doctor’s office). My arms were heavy, and I had to hold her the whole visit. It doesn’t sound bad, but when you have to sign in, wait for the doctor and schedule an appointment at the end, it would have been much easier to have a car seat I could carry and set down. Berry would have been more comfortable too.
I had arranged for a newborn photography session for Berry as well. The photographer requested for the parents to bring the baby inside the studio in the cars eat as to not disturb them. Unfortunately, we didn’t have it so Berry had a fussy start to her photography session. If only I had purchased an infant car seat!!!
Opt for the Zippers!
The photographer had also requested to dress the baby in zippered pajamas because they are the easiest to put on and off. Make sure to have lots of zippered pajamas. These are handy for the doctor visits or any other time you want to quickly change the baby.
Many of the baby outfits are surprisingly complicated. The worst are the pajamas where the snaps go from ankle up to the crotch to the other ankle, so you have to snap together to make a pant leg. Buttons can make life hard on you too. You will change your baby at least 20 times a day. Do you want to be spending five minutes fumbling with an outfit every time? Of course not!
My first evening with Berry at home, I undressed her and tried to put on what I didn’t realize was a complicated outfit. I ended up having to grab another set of pajamas and by that time she was unhappy to be laying down so long. This was another moment I wish I would have practiced ahead of time.
Hot Tip: Any over-the-head outfits are going to have to go back over the head if your baby has a blowout. Get it? Eww yeah. Been there, just don’t do it
Prepare for a New Level of Exhaustion
I remember feeding Berry in the recliner in my living room. It was late into the night; my husband was already asleep. I was looking at the front door and it was moving! My eyes were losing focus. I was so tired I couldn’t see straight.
Everyone says how tired you will be, but it’s different than when you’re tired from staying up late. This is a new tired and you cannot take a long nap and recover. We were told to wake Berry every two hours and feed her. Even if you fell instantly asleep, you will not be having more than two hours of sleep at a time. After the first few weeks, your baby may be able to sleep three to four hours. Oh joy!
Day after day, you will have hardly any sleep until around month three or four. It’s grueling.
Breastfeeding made me more tired. I felt like energy was being drained from me every time Berry fed. I was also very thirsty afterward and hungry. I did not expect to feel like I just worked out every time I breastfed. Because I was breast feeding, I wasn’t drinking my pre-pregnancy cup of coffee either. I was a zombie.
Communicate with Loved Ones on Expected Changes
You cannot prepare for the level of exhaustion that will come with having a newborn. However, you can prepare by telling friends and family that you may not be your usual self. Won’t most people be understanding you just had a baby? You would think so, but unless they went through it, your childless loved ones may not understand.
Being tired non-stop caused me to have mom brain. I couldn’t think straight. I couldn’t remember things. One person took great offense because I f-ed up a holiday card that I was filling out at 3 a.m. Another was mad I forgot they were coming to visit when I couldn’t tell you what day of the week it was. Mistakes will happen, you will forget things, you’re a new mom.
You also may not be as sociable. I always had my phone on me until I became a new mom. I was so busy feeding and trying to sleep that I didn’t make my daily phone calls I made before Berry was born. Text messages I would reply to in a few minutes now were answered a few hours later. It’s not that I didn’t care, it’s just that I couldn’t and shouldn’t have made that a priority. My infant was my priority.
Finally, hormones! I could not control my emotions. One moment I was fine, the next I was bawling. I said some really hateful things to my husband too that I would never say normally. This may happen to you too, and it’s just your hormones resetting. Imagine PMS but on a more extreme level!
To avoid hurt feelings, explain to your loved ones before the baby arrives that you may not be your pre-baby self for awhile. Show them this blog post. Ask for understanding and patience.
Life will Feel Normal Again
“What have I done?” I thought to myself one night before taking a shower. Taking a shower was my only time to myself when Berry was an infant. Even then I still couldn’t relax. My showers were rushed and with the door of the bathroom open to keep an ear out for the baby crying. I felt overwhelmed. I had finally had a baby, a child I had desperately prayed for, and a part of me missed the freedom I had before. To not have to eat my meals as fast as I possibly could, to watch an entire show from start to finish, to sleep. Oh God, how I missed sleep! I’d close my eyes for a moment as if to hide from reality and escape.
Whether they admit or not, I think every mom has experienced these overwhelming feelings. Do not beat yourself up if you feel the same way too. Remember this, it does become easier!
After the first couple of months, babies will start sleeping in longer stretches, eventually sleeping through the night. As they start sleeping longer, you body will start recovering and becoming rested. You will start feeling like yourself again!
You will also become more familiar with your baby. What seemed like a terrifying experience putting them in the car seat for the first time or changing a diaper, will become so matter-of-fact you won’t think twice!
